Convergence



7 ways to get over a guy

Everyone has that relationship that nearly kills you.  The break-up that destroyed my world and effectively helped mold me into what I am today occured about 3 or 4 years ago.  As such, I am willing to offer my advice to the the girls who have had their hearts broken.

1.  First, you must realize that things did not end because you are a bad person or he is a bad person.  People are different.  Some people grow apart.  It's probably not you or him.  You are probably just incompatiable.  Once you find a guy that understands the way you work, things will be cool.  You guys just probably didn't understand the logic of the other person.

2.  You have learned something.  Even if you think the guy is a jerk or a waste of time.  Think about it.  You now know a little more of what gets on your nerves and what you can't live without.

3.  Find hobbies.  When Levi and I broke up I took yoga 4 times a week, learned how to knit, developed an obsession with Sealab 2020, and went to bars.  All are good activies that are distracting and will keep your mind off of the other person. 

4.  Define the new you.  I'm not saying that after each relationship you will be lost, I'm just saying that people tend to lose themselves in realtionships.  It happened to me.  I had to redefine what I actually liked compared to the stuff that I only liked because my boyfriend did.  I was young.  This hasn't happened in any of my other relationships, but it's notable.  Once you do figure out what makes you happy, go with it.

You cannot control anyone else's happiness.  You can only control your own and hope that your happiness will rub off on other people.

5.  Define the type of guy you want.  By now you've experienced a lot of different types of people.  You need to specifically define what you can't stand and what you really find necessary for a relationship.  This idea kept me from developing random crushes on stupid people. (well, actually no it didn't.  But it should have.)  I personally made a list.  That idea creeps some people out, but if you know me you know I tend to write pretty much everything down. 

6.  Find something that will always make you feel better whatever the circumstance.  I don't have any ideas for what that might be for you.  For me it's drinking scotch and watching Fight Club over and over again.  That's gotten me though 3 break-ups thus far.  It always works.

7.  When you need to talk about your ex, explain to your friends what you are doing.  They need to know that you need to bounce ideas off of them in order to diffuse the millions of thoughts that are probably going through your head night and day.  It is a coping mechanism and it is healthy.  Don't worry.  That's what friends are for! However, this talking does have a limit.  You are allowed to talk about the bastard, but don't say things like:
"My ex used to do…"
"My ex and I used to…"
"My ex always…"

The relationship is over.  If you stop talking about him things will get easier.  I know I've gone through points where I contantly talked about exes, my friends were kind enough to tell me to stop being annoying instead of ignoring me.

I guess that's all I've got.  I'm not trying to tell anyone how to do anything.  These are just my thoughts about the subject.  I went through hell and I'd like to alleviate pain from my friends lives.  If it's helpful then you should think about it.  If you think I am too analytical…I am.  That's how I deal with things so just stop reading this and stop talking to me.

That is all.  Hope it's helpful.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. my help by falloutcarlos » falloutcarlos pingbacked on 8 years, 6 months ago

Comments

  1. * microjess says:

    cool.  i got referenced.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 6 months ago
  2. * HAYLEY says:

    iDK iF iT WORKS BUT iLL LET CHA KNO!! HOPFULLY iT WiLL i RiLi NEED iT!! BAD

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  3. * jema says:

    ok so this is what i have been searching for all week, and I own fight club so I am giving this a go, it has no lovey dovey shit in it and you get to see the twisted going ons of someone elses mind so I might seem relatively sane or at least know i could have fun going insane and start up a club, thanks for your woords they havehelped this sorrowful person.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
    • * morgan says:

      i miss cole pusateri

      | Reply Posted 2 years, 10 months ago
  4. * microjess says:

    Glad I could help. It was hard for me. I hope my experience can help other people out!

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  5. * kelly says:

    im in an amazing relationship with my ‘first love’. It feels like its going to last forever, we’ve talked about moving in together after uni etc but we’re only 17 and im not stupid, i kno that in reality hardly anyone stays with their first love and this thought (which ppl keep reminding me of when i start gettin dreamy about the future) fucking scares the hell out of me, i honestly dont kno how i would cope if it ended and yet i kno that it probably will one day…even tho i cant see how it ever could..but i guess u never can…i suppose im just tryin 2 be realistic. If this relationship ends my life as i kno it will be over and ill have 2 start again, my fears led me 2 this site, ur advice is really great but im prayin i wont have 2 revisit…if u see what i mean…if i do, ill leave ya another comment sayin thanks i guess, god life sucks huh. be strong, u can get thru anything if u stay strong. You save yourself or u remain unsaved.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  6. * microjess says:

    If you are meant to be together then you will be. There are a small amount of souls that meet each other while they are young and they are together forever. i find this idea extremely romantic. if it’s something significant don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. follow your heart and and hold on for dear life. love is hard. keep the faith sista!

    I have moved on. I’m with a guy that I really love deeply. It’s been less then a year but it’s great. So, even if you guys do end up breaking up your world will not be over. it will just be different. different isn’t bad it’s just…different. and you will adjust.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  7. * Sabrina says:

    Yeah, I hope it works.. I just got dumped from a 7 mounth and some odd weeks.. It blows b/c he is my first love and I put all I had into it. I put all I had into him.. But hell. Thats life

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
  8. * Sylvia says:

    I was in a two-year relationship.. my boyfriend and I had plans to get married. out of nowhere, he breaks up with me. We were doing everything right. In my eyes our relationship was awesome. no fighting, but rather laughs and fun times. most were envious of our relationship because we got along so well. it’s been 5 months since the break up, and unfortunately we had already signed a lease at the same apartment complex before he broke up with me! He lives right above me! I pretty much see him all the time, but we don’t speak. CRAZY I know. I miss him so much, but I don’t want to. I want to move on so terribly bad, but I’m scared to even give another guy a chance. I’m taking your advice, and I know only time and distance will heal.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
  9. * Nelly brown says:

    Well you know what, I will give it a try. Sometimes it can be so hard because I always have these thoughts of us in my head. I loved him with all my heart and he just broke it in two pieces by cheating on me. Life is hard when you feel like this. I just hope these feelings I have for him go away immediately cause I just cant stop calling him:(

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 9 months ago
  10. * Krissta says:

    im glad u gave ur advice my ex knocking up a girl while we were together isnt easy to get over but i think u will help me alot..thanks!

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 7 months ago
  11. * niki says:

    Yeah, I know what you guys are going through. It’s been over 8 months since he left me with no reason and I still think about him. He was my first love, amoung other things and I still love him with all of my heart! Guys can be sooo cruel, and they dont even realize it. I am almost there, to where I can move on from him, but I still love him and probably always will. I hope I can one day let go, but maybe we’re not supposed to let go all the way. We worked together so it was hard over the last 8 months, but I somehow survived. I just cant get over the crushing memories!!! Those hurt soooo much! But there is hope and we all have to look toward the future! I’m so optimistic, it’s pathetic! lol :p

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 3 months ago
  12. * Jessica says:

    You can do it Niki. Getting over a guy you love is tough. You’re will always love the idea of him. You will not always love him. If he’s been away from you for 8 months he has changed for sure. He isn’t the guy that you loved anymore. It does get easier. You have to work on making new memories. It took me a while to do that, especially in places where my ex and I frequented. If you can go back to those places with friends and make new memories things will get easier. Women are strong. We can do anything.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 3 months ago
  13. * linda says:

    hey. i really think this might help me.
    i have this guy who has a girlfriend.
    and he likes me but he’s been with her for 9 months now.
    but he says he really, really, really, likes me.
    and i feel the same with him.
    but now things arent going so great. i mean he acts dif. then what he used to.
    i dont know, but i really care about him, and i want to be with him.
    i have no clue what i should do.
    any suggestions?

    | Reply Posted 7 years ago
  14. * Microjess says:

    This might hurt, but it should be said. If he really liked you, then you would be his girlfriend. Women are monogamous creatures. It’s not fair to you to be “the other woman” (even if there is not actual sexual activity). Is it really making you happy?? Probably not. There are plenty of great guys out there. There is no way you should settle for second string. It’s not worth it!

    | Reply Posted 7 years ago
  15. * sherrymarie27 says:

    first loves are exactly that and i agree that there are few that last a life time it can happen but with the billions of women like me it didnt but i will tell you all one thing i do believe that there is someone out there for all of us i havent found mine yet but i know i am gonna up my standards and i know it has just got to change my luck i hope anyway thanks for the advice good luck to everyone

    | Reply Posted 5 years, 3 months ago
  16. * Andrea says:

    I have a problem with getting over my baby father and every time i have a break up i want to be with him but he is not that type he likes to deal with me when he ready but when he is tired of me he doesnt want to be bothered it hurts like crazy but one way for me to get over him is to stop going around him so much cause i want a guy to appreciate my presence no matter what and the more i stay a way the more i will get over him so when i do fully heal and be around him i wont have any feelings for him

    | Reply Posted 4 years, 10 months ago
  17. * gauri says:

    its really difficult…i need help…me n him are still friends best friends…but you know there are reasons we cant be together…but i just cant get over him…i tried a million times…i dislike everything around me…feel all lost..n i love him…really..i do…

    | Reply Posted 3 years, 11 months ago
  18. * nelly.811@live.com says:

    well i was going out with this guy and we broke up not exactly sure why but we were in someways diffrent. but the thing is i still like him and some of my friends have asked would you ever date her again: his response was hell no it made me feel kind of lousy and i think hes a real shit head now but deep downi still like him…. any advice anyone????? HELP.

    | Reply Posted 3 years, 3 months ago
  19. * nelly.811@live.com says:

    gauri: its really difficult…i need help…me n him are still friends best friends…but you know there are reasons we cant be together…but i just cant get over him…i tried a million times…i dislike everything around me…feel all lost..n i love him…really..i do… ME TOO i feel your pain. its hard to move on but when your boyfriend has a girlfriend who flirts with other guys and takes him for granted it gets on my nerves! its even harder i will admit i am the jealous type but it makes you wonder am i unattractive? wats wrong with me? if it helps to anyone here my boyfriend also does pot. and hes tried to kill himself b4 by throwing himself infront of a car. it makes me crazy how he doesnt appreciate wat he has. and even if he opens his eyes maybe hell see that im always there for him he just doesnt want me back its killing me like crazy. how the hell can i get over him?! my brain says hes a jerk my heart still loves him ughhh.

    | Reply Posted 3 years, 3 months ago
  20. * janay says:

    I met a guy 7 yrs ago and we dated for a year or so before we had a child.we broke up he dated two ppl after that which didn’t work out so he came back o me. Now I kno for a fact this is not who I want to be with. I’ll child is 5 now and we are not dating right now but we kind of act like we do with the exception of certain things. I just want advice on how to get over a guy u share a child with.

    | Reply Posted 1 year, 11 months ago
  21. * Mia says:

    You’re absolutely right. I am in the process (1 1/2 months after 3 1/2 yr relationship) and am getting better. My friends & family returned texts/ calls in minutes, knowing I needed the support and understanding. Now, it’s back to once a week or so “Hi, checking in”, I never wanted to burden them anyway, just needed help and they knew it. Don’t get me wrong, still have bad moments but know I am stronger and can deal w/ it on my own now, however long it takes. I can now laugh, have fun (not ready to date yet) w/ out being a total drain.

    | Reply Posted 1 year, 11 months ago
  22. Excellent web site you’ve got here.. It’s difficult to
    find excellent writing like yours nowadays. I really appreciate people like
    you! Take care!!

    | Reply Posted 9 months ago


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